I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
