Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
