I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
