i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
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Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
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He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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