i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
