She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
