I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Bring me that man meat
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
