Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
