I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize