Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
