...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
