I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
