My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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