I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
