new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
