That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
