Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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