I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
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Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
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I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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