watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
