i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Never let your siblings swipe right.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
