I cannot find my penis.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
