Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
