why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
