btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
