Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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