I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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