I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
