I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Your penis caused this!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
