I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
