I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
