So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
