Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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