Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You pole danced in your parka.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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