i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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