but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
