Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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