you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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