wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
