i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
