I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
