this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
