So drunk its hurt
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
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Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
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The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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