I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
