My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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