How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
