Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
