Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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