Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
