I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
