just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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