i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
There's even glitter on my cock...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
