but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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