I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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