we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
