i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
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