i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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