In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
