wanna go halves on a baby?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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