I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
