She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just cut my nipple shaving
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
