Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
