You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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