I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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