When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
