your parents love me but you hate me
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
True but thats because hes a fetus.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
This house was built for laser tag.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
