Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Oh god it's open bar.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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