If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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