Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
