she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's no shave November. This is our time.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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