hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
