Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
