My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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