12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize