seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
