she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The power of my boobs compel you
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
