dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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