Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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