The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
