i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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