Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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