worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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