party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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