i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
