Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
