oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
