I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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